To say that my internal animosity had nothing to do with it is equivalent to saying that small brown landmines in my back yard have nothing to do with my dog Teddy. Running offered an escape. 10 milers to the city became a twice a week jaunt. 20's were dropped on the weekends without question. And logging a 55+ mile week meant that I'd have a minimum of 7 hours to myself and stuck in my own head. But 3 years and a few thousand miles later I'd lost the desire to keep running. I wasn't in the caliber of Forrest Gump, but I did decide to pull the plug, on a lot of things but particularly running, and simply walk away.
So I moved on and left some of the most sincerely wonderful people behind. I endured miles upon miles of pain with a few of them. We had conversations that bridged 4, 5, even 6 weeks worth of runs. But I needed a new quest, a different challenge, something to press me. When I was ask after what became my last run, "what mile did you get your {runner's} high?" I laughed, but internally realized it was completely over. I hadn't caught that buzz since the very first marathon I'd run. That was almost 3 years ago... it was over.
So I took my light, lean, body to the next sporting challenge: CrossFit. Get back to me in a few years... I'll tell you how it ends. So Once a CrossFitter was born, he looks something like this... I'm the scrawny one in the background. The challenges are different because I'm now part of a team. I don't train in anonymity, I lift/pull/push/jerk with some of the greatest people on the planet. I don't have any delusions of grandeur, but if I can tame running to the level of running a Boston... I will crush the WOD placed before me.But that brings me to where I'm at now and why it may be time for a new challenge. That means hanging up my spurs, putting down my holsters, emptying out my guns... That means, potentially walking away from the one job that has always been there: trading.
Trading has been good to me. The lessons I've conquered have challenged every weakness in my body. Those weaknesses have taught me how to swim while bloody in shark infested waters. I've tamed fear multiple times even at the cost of my teeth. I've puked some of the greatest trades I ever made because I believe that playing tomorrow is more valuable than playing today. There are stories that I'll tell to my kids when they finally appreciate numbers and math a little more... There was that time when a pit full of grown men started weeping as the second plane hit the WTC and we stood there powerless to even move. I have the stories and the battle scars.
It's not about bragging or being the BMOC but that hasn't always been true. There was clearly a time when I was purely motivated by the money. I dreamed about the payday at the end of every month. My expectation was to crush it every day. I developed a positive mindset that I was always there to make money... vs the one I see in so many young traders "I just don't want to lose any". I was mentored by a beast and if you've read any bit of this blog before you can find references to him scattered throughout. He taught me vol trading, combo risk, delta hedging, and trade creativity. In a world where no one wants to cannibalize their profits by giving away their earned secrets, he gave me a gift I can't really repay, he taught me to trade.
I've mentioned on here that change is the only constant. I've made plenty of trades, good and bad, in the market and in life, and now I think the end is approaching. I don't want to sound dramatic, I don't need sympathy points. In fact, though recently there have been a handful of challenging months, I would argue that the next few years will present some of the finest trading opportunities ever in my markets. That's fine. I'll leave a skilled lieutenant to man the fort {it would help to find him sooner than later...} No, I'm good on the pity points. I am simply ready for the new challenge.
There are a bunch of things I want to do now. I want to work at for my church. I want to answer the call on my life to be in ministry. There are very few things that bring me satisfaction like a Sunday with family. It may still be a few years away, but it is clearly a goal that I'm striving towards. Could I potentially trade and work for church? Maybe, but I'm ready to sleep without a night guard. I would love to get up to get a drink and not log on to see how Asia and Europe are trending... I'm ready to be a little bit more normal. Once a Pastor isn't a bad title at all.
There's just one catch. Being normal means that I'll miss that rush, that buzz, that high that only comes when you crush a trade. What will I do to capture that blitz of emotion? I believe I found that answer as well. I partnered with my brothers J, Cory, and Mike and we're going full tilt into the health and wellness space. That challenge I'm craving; this will satisfy it. New fears and weaknesses to overcome? Absolutely. But just like trading, there is a model that I believe in and a product that I really enjoy. Combine those two and I believe I'll find the next conquest. Perhaps I can add Once an Entrepreneur to the list as well.
I have no intentions of shutting the shop down tomorrow. I don't believe it will happen before calendar '15 expires. But little by little, I expect to be here less and there more. In a true self deprecation mindset, I've have never claimed to be the best trader. However, I am good at getting the right people on the bus. Assembling a team is as important as the execution of X's and O's... My hope is to continue to chime in on here once in a while... until then, remember to Guard the Left Hash.
~LH





